The Overlooked Side of Fatherhood
Recognising and Responding to Postpartum Depression in Fathers
The Hidden Mental Health Challenge Affecting Families and Workplaces
It’s okay to feel uncertain. Becoming a dad brings big changes, and it’s normal to feel like you don’t have all the answers. Sleepless nights, new responsibilities, and the pressure to support your partner can feel overwhelming.
The good news is that seeking support doesn’t make you weak. It makes you a better father, partner, and leader. Just like great leaders depend on a strong team, fathers who ask for help and share responsibilities grow stronger. This helps them at home and at work. Taking action early helps you manage stress, stay engaged with your family, and navigate this new chapter with confidence.
The moment a new baby arrives, life changes overnight. Sleep deprivation hits hard, and it’s not just tiredness. It actually changes how your brain functions.
The hippocampus, which helps form new memories, slows down when you’re running on little sleep. Suddenly, remembering simple things like where you left the baby bag becomes harder.
The prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain that helps you make logical decisions and stay calm, also takes strain. When exhaustion builds, patience fades and judgment falters.
Meanwhile, the amygdala, your brain’s emotional center, becomes overactive. You might find yourself more irritable, anxious, or reactive than usual.
For many fathers, this can show up as anger, withdrawal, or emotional distance. These are classic signs of stress and sometimes postpartum depression.
Here’s the aha moment. You are not broken. Your brain is reacting to real, biological stress.
Asking for help, sharing the load, and seeking support isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom. Even Moses, when overwhelmed, appointed others to share the work.
We are designed for community, not isolation. Taking care of yourself and your family starts with recognising when to let others step in.
Did You Know?
“65% of working parents
report experiencing burnout,
with depression and anxiety significantly correlated
with this burnout.”
Gawlik et al., 2025: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39297832
When Fatherhood Feels Overwhelming
When Sipho returned to work after paternity leave, his chest felt tight as he left his baby at home.
He worried about his partner. She seemed anxious, stretched thin, and he wanted to help, to be supportive, to be the partner he always tried to be. But instead, he found himself withdrawing.
Everything seemed to revolve around the baby. She barely had time for him, and he felt like a bystander in his own family.
He was expected to be back at work, performing as if nothing had changed, as if life hadn’t shifted so dramatically overnight.
He wondered if he could handle it all. Being a father, a partner, and the man he once thought he was.
Struggling in Silence at Work and Home
Sipho hardly got any paternity leave, and he felt a twinge of guilt for not staying longer with his partner. Sometimes, he even felt guilty for not wanting to be home, though he loved his family.
He wasn’t sure whether it was okay to ask for help. After all, he hadn’t given birth. Yet the sleepless nights, the constant demands of work, and the pressure to be a supportive partner were all too much. He worried that needing support might make him seem weak.
While he tried to hold himself together, his team began to feel the strain.
They had been covering for him during his brief leave, juggling extra tasks and tight deadlines. At first, they were understanding. But as the weeks passed, frustration started to creep in. They didn’t understand why he seemed distant or distracted, and their patience began to wear thin.
His manager, unsure of what was happening, started questioning his performance. Sipho wanted to do well, to keep everything together, but he didn’t know how to ask for support without feeling like he was failing.
They had targets to meet, and life at work felt as relentless as life at home.
Did You Know?
According to studies, PPD diagnosis rates nearly doubled from 9.4% in 2010 to 19% in 2021.
This means more women are experiencing it, or more are finally getting diagnosed.
Both require better workplace awareness.
Supporting male mental health is not a luxury, it’s essential.
Fathers often face pressure to “be strong” while juggling work, family, and sleep deprivation.
Without support, stress can turn into anxiety, depression, or withdrawal.
A strong support system helps men ask for help without feeling weak or judged.
It protects relationships, boosts workplace performance, and strengthens family bonds.
Investing in male mental health benefits everyone — fathers, partners, children, and communities.
Ways Fathers Can Support Their Mental Health
Move your body: Go for a run, hit the gym, or play soccer with friends. Physical activity boosts mood and reduces stress.
Prioritize sleep when you can: Even short naps help restore energy and improve emotional regulation.
Build a social network: Connect with other fathers who understand what you’re going through. Sharing experiences reduces isolation.
Talk openly: Share your feelings with your partner, friends, or a mental health professional. Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.
Limit alcohol: Drinking may numb the pain temporarily, but it does not improve overall well-being or help you process stress.
Schedule downtime: Make time for hobbies, rest, and activities that recharge you mentally and emotionally.
Did You Know?
Work-life conflict is one of the strongest predictors of postpartum anxiety and depression. Men who feel torn between home and office are twice as likely to experience burnout.
Parental Mental Health Mindset Snippets
Through our Taming the Monster video series. From High Performance to High Risk, Postpartum Depression Impacts the Workplace: Why Companies Must Take Action, and Breastfeeding Support at Work Enhances Mental Health and Employee Engagement. We bridge the gap between parents’ real experiences and HR’s role in building supportive workplaces.
What We Offer HR & Corporate Clients
Keynote: From High Performance to High Risk – Supporting Parents’ Mental Health at Work
Workshop: Telling the Story, Leading with Emotional Intelligence
Designed HR‑Toolkit: Parental Mental Health Strategy for HR Leaders
Custom consulting for your return‑to‑work programme and manager training
What is Postnatal or POSTPARTUM Depression?
Are you or someone you know feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or persistently sad after childbirth? POSTNATAL DEPRESSION (PND), also known as POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION, is more than the “baby blues.” It’s a real and serious mental health condition that can affect your ability to care for yourself or your baby. You are not alone. Many new parents experience feelings of guilt, shame, or isolation, making it hard to seek help. Support is available, and recovery is possible. Whether you’re a parent, HR manager, or caregiver, knowing the signs and encouraging professional support can make a life-changing difference. Everyone deserves to feel supported, uplifted and well.
Can Men Suffer From Paternal Postpartum Depression?
Paternal postpartum depression (PPD) is a serious but often overlooked condition affecting up to 1 in 10 new fathers. It can begin during pregnancy or within the first year after birth. Common signs include sadness, anger, irritability, withdrawal from family, changes in sleep or eating habits, and loss of interest in activities. Fathers may also feel overwhelmed, hopeless, or disconnected from their baby. PPD can impact relationships and the baby’s development if left untreated. Men often hide their symptoms, making it harder to detect. With support, counseling, and in some cases, medication, recovery is possible and families can heal together.
Meet Kim Vermaak
Kim Vermaak
The Mindset Whisperer
Kim Vermaak, author, speaker, and host of the Write Learn and Earn Show, draws upon her own powerful journey through severe postnatal depression to offer vital insights and hope. Having spent years empowering leaders to share their stories, Kim now bravely steps forward to break the silence on this often-hidden struggle affecting countless women within our communities and workplaces. Through her personal narrative, "Taming the Monster," and impactful talks, Kim offers understanding and practical strategies for mental health support groups, corporates with wellness programs, NGOs, and the women directly facing PND. Join us to learn, connect, and discover how we can better support mothers on their path to recovery and wellbeing.
Author | Speaker | Mental Health Advocate
Let's Talk About Postpartum depression (PPD)
In this powerful conversation, I sit down with Tarynlee Kearney and Lynn Vermaak from The Boardroom Couch to unpack a topic that’s often overlooked… postpartum depression in both mothers and fathers.
Drawing on insights from my book Taming the Monster, we explore:
- What postpartum depression really looks like for men and women
- The complex emotional journey of modern motherhood
- How fathers can also suffer in silence and why it matters
- The role of the workplace in supporting new parents
Real stories, expert advice, and practical ways to create safer spaces at home and at work
Whether you’re a parent, a leader, an HR professional, or someone who cares about mental health. This episode will open your eyes to the realities many families face after the birth of a child.